The 10th October 2013 is World Mental Health Day and its one to celebrate as it certainly shouldnt be something we hide from
My story started 11 years ago just after I'd had my first son, he was
4 months old and I woke up feeling very strange, I couldnt speak all I
could was stutter, I couldnt move it was like my body had frozen, I was
vomiting constantly and my head felt like it was in a vice, but the fear
was the worst, I didnt want to open my eyes I didnt want to look out as
I was so frightened, but no idea of what!
I managed to
survive by myself for 4 days like that with my baby before a friend took me to the doctors, who diagnosed me some tablets, didnt really
show any concern for my well being and gave me a sick note for a week
(as I'd already returned to work, as a single mum I felt I had too)
I
didnt feel any better and made the ultimate call I felt of failure to
my parents and asked them for help, they immediately came to get me,
packed up mine and my sons things and took them to their house by the
sea. I slept for two weeks, only waking up for my tablets, I had a fear
of getting out of the bed, but again no idea what! I kept returning home
to see my doctor who was of no help whatsoever
My
parents suggested I see their doctor so I reluctantly did, he was lovely
and calm and sat back in his chair whilst I described how I felt! He
explained that it could be two things, I could have post natal
depression which wasnt uncommon or that I could have an unbalance in my
brain which has been triggered by giving birth, he prescribed different
tablets as I still hadnt eaten anything and kept vomiting, these tablets
worked a treat and within a couple of days, with fear chasing me down
the stairs I managed to stay downstairs and cuddle my baby without
running off scared, although I knew it was nothing to do with my baby, I
had no ill feelings towards him, I loved him more than ever, I just
didnt feel well.
Time went on, I got better, I went
back home, I was on the medication for a number of years, I got a new
partner and we had a son together and fear washed over me again, thats
when I was finally diagnosed with post natal depression properly, I was
monitored by the doctors and health visitor, I attended a pnd group
which was of great help, I met one of my closet friends there (which is a
whole story in itself)
I did yo yo with the medication and then finally came off it a few years ago which I was really proud of
Then
the most awful happened, I've told the story a little here on my blog
before but basically the close friend that I'd met at the pnd group
passed away, I was wth her holding her hand and I was been so strong,
within two months of her passing the dread and fear returned, I've been
on medication for two years again now and cannot see me coming off them
in the near future, its certainly something I need to keep me balanced
otherwise I feel that I am always on the edge of a huge panic attack,
which totally stop me in my tracks and leave me feeling negative even
though over the last couple of years i've accomplished so much
I'm currently taking 30mg of citalopram and it works for me, I still have bad days, mornings are worse or if my partner is working away, I can feel the anxiety wash over me, but I survive each time
Dont hide, if you need help talk to someone, you will find your not alone
Good for you, Deanne. Thanks for sharing your story, I am sure you will help someone.
ReplyDeleteNever knew this, and you are such a brave, inspirational lady x So many new friendships have been made, and lots of lovely hours have been enjoyed at the lovely Warkton Craft Market that you, and Michelle have tirelessly started, and worked really hard at for the last few years!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for it all! You're both stars** : ) xx
Sharon xx
Never knew this, and you are such a brave, inspirational lady x So many new friendships have been made, and lots of lovely hours have been enjoyed at the lovely Warkton Craft Market that you, and Michelle have tirelessly started, and worked really hard at for the last few years!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for it all! You're both stars** : ) xx
Sharon xx
You are amazing Deanne and you write so beautifully. Your success from this angle is truly something, you have taken the rough and turned it into something wonderful -well done.
ReplyDeleteYou are so inspiring and it's down to you that I found my love of crochet -I am eternally grateful.
Hugs, Katie xx